You have more control than you think when dealing with a difficult ex

Divorce can be a nasty process, and every single couple is different. Some split on friendly terms while others will use every weapon at their disposal to make it hard on the other party. Some find themselves constantly victimized by someone that simply wants to ruin their life. This becomes particularly problematic if you have children together. If you are dealing with a difficult ex and want to stop playing the game and giving in to what he or she wants, use the following ideas to change your behaviors and exert more control over his or her behavior.

Work on your own forgiveness

Your ex may not have asked for it and may not even deserve it, but you must learn to forgive to move on with your life. Fortunately, you do not need his or her permission to do so. Once you can forgive and let go of the terrible things that happened during your marriage, you take away his or her ability to control your feelings and reactions.

Focus on common ground

If you have children together, then you are going to have to deal with each other for the rest of your lives. Rather than argue and fight over every little detail, look for the places you agree and have common ground, and build from there. If you refuse to argue, you have more control over the conversation.

Keep your actions consistent

Emotions after a divorce can be a constant roller coaster, and you may have whiplash from how fast your ex goes from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. One day he or she may be friendly and agreeable, and the next you may find insults hurled at you from every direction. The best thing you can do in this situation is to stay consistent in your own interactions and reactions. Regardless of his or her emotions, keep yours stable.

Respond rather than react

If you are sharing parenting responsibilities, you must be in contact regularly, but this does not mean that you always must be available. If you receive an angry email, text or phone call, give yourself time to respond rather than react angrily or emotionally.

Be patient but protect yourself

Recognize that the calm will not come overnight and that it will take time and work to calm the emotions down, but you have control over the situation if you are in control of your own emotions. As you navigate the tricky waters of dealing with an angry ex during or after a divorce, make sure you have in your corner a divorce attorney who has your best interests in mind.